Destiny 2 Sparrows Keep Getting Dumber (In A Good Way), Here’s The Latest

Destiny 2‘s premium cosmetic items have really come into their own lately, especially when it comes to equipment. Not long ago, we got a whole set of cosmetics themed after woody wagon sedans, and during the last Festival of the Lost, Destiny’s yearly Halloween event, Bungie released a sparrow modeled after a giant spider, complete with moving legs. For this year’s summertime Solstice event, we’ve got a new challenger to the throne for best cosmetic vehicle: the Crab Cycle, a motorcycle shaped like a crab.

In a somewhat disappointing development, we’ve confirmed that the Crab Cycle is not faster moving sideways than it is going forward.

You can find the Crab Cycle in the Eververse Store this week, where it’ll run you 800 Silver, or about $8. Like the spider-shaped Skitterscare sparrow, the Crab Cycle has articulated metal legs that move around as you ride your space magic hoverbike. Catapulting it ahead of the Skitterscare for best and most ridiculous sparrow, however, is the fact that it has claws, both on the front (where you can’t see them while driving, unfortunately) and on the back (where you can see them while driving, even if their location makes them an affront to nature). The Crab Cycle is also a nice alternative if you’re one of those people who doesn’t deal well with spiders.

Riding a giant spider into battle to strike fear into your enemies.

The Crab Cycle joins a growing list of excellent, ludicrous personal transportation vehicles that appear in Destiny 2. If you’re not familiar, those personal vehicles are called “sparrows”–they’re quick, maneuverable jet bikes that look more or less like the speeder bikes from Return of the Jedi, hovering a few feet off the ground.

Whether the Crab Cycle is the best sparrow is a matter of personal opinion, especially because it faces stiff competition. In the “jet bikes that look like goofy animals” department, there’s the Skitterscare, of course, as well as the winter-themed Polar Vortex.

And while the Crab Cycle is at least in the running for best summertime vehicle, to truly claim the crown, it must face the king of all sparrows: the Micro Mini.

Crab’s pretty good but come on–just look at this thing.

Still, I’ve already purchased the Crab Cycle because I’m a sucker for the kooky in Destiny 2. For all the world-endangering, extinction-level alien threats that exist in the game, it has a decidedly nonsensical side, what with all the immortal superhero players running around, doing dance emotes at once another. In an excellent move, Bungie has even released lore entries featuring alien adversaries discussing the madness of watching Guardians do sparrow tricks and dances as they massacre their enemies.

If only this crab bike could clamp Hive Thralls with its claws, it’d be perfect. Oh well–maybe next year.

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